I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my shit smells like andre
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
