When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
