So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
