Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
