he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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