You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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