I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
