Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
