How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
