I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I believe in your delicious
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
