My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
