Tell her she can't have a vagina
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
