dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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