just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
