i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
