I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
