the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
