Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
