Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
