I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
