i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
