I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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