Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
