I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
