sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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