Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
