I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
