fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize