im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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