i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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