found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
do nipples grow back?
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