The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
