How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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