After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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