i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
