I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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