ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
