I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
