I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
