Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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