i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
