Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
