You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
