The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
