oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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