I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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