You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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