i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
