I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
