Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
