Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
