Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
