In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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