I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
