I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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