You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
