just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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