I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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