dude i'm inner monologue high
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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