Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
