We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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