: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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