Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
