my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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