he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
