Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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