I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
