the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
