Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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