I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
