Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
