apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
