i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
