If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My friends, they love my intelligence
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
