I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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