I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
