i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
