Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
